On of the things I discovered about fu, was that it was usable even when completely incapacitated from making other attacks by alcohol. How would the UAC compare?

P>sym seek
Your vision is pulled away from you...

[Abbey Cellar]
Long rows of oak wine casks ...

...
That looks like the place to go.

The wights were keen to party
...
An arch wight suddenly bursts from the ground!
You try to stuff your slooberry rum in your ear.
You attempt to punch an arch wight!
Your attack is hindered by holding a mug of slooberry rum!
You exploit the momentum of your previous strike to make a stronger attack against an arch wight!
You have good positioning against an arch wight.
UAF: 254 vs UDF: 85 = 2.000 (capped) * MM: 100 + d100: 12 = 212
... and hit for 71 points of damage!
Sudden impact to chest! That'll make its day!
Roundtime: 3 sec.
You try but you're just too drunk to do that.
You attempt to punch an arch wight!
Your attack is hindered by holding a mug of slooberry rum!
You have good positioning against an arch wight.
UAF: 254 vs UDF: 84 = 2.000 (capped) * MM: 105 + d100: 8 = 218
... and hit for 72 points of damage!
Sudden impact to chest! That'll make its day!
You hear a sound like a weeping child as a white glow separates itself from the arch wight's body as it rises, disappearing into the heavens.
...
but there was a child needed rescuing in crones.
...
You drunkenly sing:

"My name is Singing Sam is my name.
I like to sing songs because its time to sing.
To sing sooooooongs. Oooooh. Time to sing.
Time for sings to song Sams!

A snow crone throws her head back and howls,
...
You attempt to punch a snow crone!
Your attack is hindered by holding a mug of slooberry rum!
You have excellent positioning against a snow crone.
UAF: 274 vs UDF: 234 = 1.170 * MM: 108 + d100: 77 = 203
... and hit for 70 points of damage!
Massive descending punch shatters rib cage, causing corresponding massive internal damage!
The snow crone falls to the ground motionless.
Roundtime: 3 sec.
The gas cloud begins to dissipate.
The shrieking winds become suddenly violent. The temperature drops drastically, numbing your extremities in a heartbeat. You cannot see through the flying snow and ice, and it looks as though you may be in trouble!
A quiet wind disperses the gas cloud.
>'::crone Rum good. Cloud bad.
Speaking to a snow crone, you say, "Rum good. Cloud bad."
>search
You try to pull your lower lip up over your nose.
>search
You topple over.
P>search
You search the snow crone.
...
rolling drunk?
...
You attempt to punch a snow crone!
Your attack is hindered by holding a mug of slooberry rum!
Your attack is hindered by holding a mug of slooberry rum!
As you strike, a deep golden light surrounds your hands!
You exploit the momentum of your previous strike to make a stronger attack against a snow crone!
You have good positioning against a snow crone.
UAF: 274 vs UDF: 276 = 0.992 * MM: 79 + d100: 59 = 137
... and hit for 20 points of damage!
Backfist impacts the left wrist, hard. CRUNCH!
The snow crone is stunned!
Strike leaves foe vulnerable to a followup kick attack!
Roundtime: 3 sec.
A snow crone throws her head back and howls, shaking off the stun!
You attempt to kick a snow crone!
Your attack is hindered by holding a mug of slooberry rum!
Your attack is hindered by holding a mug of slooberry rum!
You have excellent positioning against a snow crone.
UAF: 274 vs UDF: 286 = 0.958 * MM: 63 + d100: 75 = 135
... and hit for 63 points of damage!
Fluid move followed by a leaping kick to back!
The snow crone is knocked to the ground!
The snow crone is stunned!
Roundtime: 5 sec.
A snow crone throws her head back and howls, shaking off the stun!
...wait 1 seconds.
You attempt to punch a snow crone!
Your attack is hindered by holding a mug of slooberry rum!
Your attack is hindered by holding a mug of slooberry rum!
You have excellent positioning against a snow crone.
UAF: 274 vs UDF: 282 = 0.971 * MM: 92 + d100: 10 = 99
A close miss!
Roundtime: 3 sec.
You attempt to punch a snow crone!
Your attack is hindered by holding a mug of slooberry rum!
Your attack is hindered by holding a mug of slooberry rum!
You have excellent positioning against a snow crone.
UAF: 274 vs UDF: 282 = 0.971 * MM: 95 + d100: 100 = 192
... and hit for 66 points of damage!
Crippling blow to spinal column! Motor control lost!
The snow crone is stunned!
Roundtime: 3 sec.
You attempt to punch a snow crone!
Your attack is hindered by holding a mug of slooberry rum!
Your attack is hindered by holding a mug of slooberry rum!
As you strike, a deep golden light surrounds your hands!
You have excellent positioning against a snow crone.
UAF: 274 vs UDF: 232 = 1.181 * MM: 108 + d100: 19 = 146
... and hit for 40 points of damage!
Jugular severed by quick crossover punch! The snow crone's face goes pale, but the rest of her body is stained red!
The snow crone cries out in cold agony one last time and dies.
The light blue glow leaves a snow crone.
The powerful look leaves a snow crone.
Roundtime: 3 sec.
Out of the corner of your eye, you notice a young human child watching you fight. He scurries up to you and cries, "Please help me, I wanna go home!" This must be the child you've been sent to take to the Nightowl Pub.

Also, they need a drunken monk stance where you'd get a bonus for being drunk and having a drink in your hand.

*slow clap*