Joe is a real Simutronics customer, not a paid staffer. So to help him tell his story, we hired GameMaster Strathspey:

Joe: I had been playing a big MMO for a couple years, slogging through the whole level grind thing.

GM: You find yourself on a drab grey treadmill mounted with an exp-ometer and a button labeled "KILL". Before you is a row of carnival-style painted steel orcs which moves faster as you jog faster. Others around you on similar treadmills are running and hitting their buttons at a frantic pace. Don't just stand there, you goob!

Joe: After a while, I found out I couldn't solo any more, and grouping with illiterate adolescents was just too painful.

GM: d00d wh3r j00 get wedgee EyE c@n c ur und3r00s lawlz

Joe: Then I found GemStone, which had a vivid, immersive world, even without any graphics.

GM: [whistles, staring up at the ceiling]
A large ogre wearing a lacy yellow dress runs by, bellowing in savage rage.
An elven traveller wanders in, saying, "I wonder if I remembered to pack everythAAAAAAAAAAAGHHH!" as he is stabbed in the left nostril by an irritated kobold.
A mine cart comes streaking in and collides heavily with a table, sending the screaming dwarven occupants flying off-camera.
Chasing a known criminal, the town constable exclaims, "Aha, varlet! Now I've got you!" He then draws a .57 Magnum and plugs the perpetrator in the most astonished part of his brain.
A goblin walks in, gulps some air quickly, produces a moist belch, and grins in supreme satisfaction.
[5-second pause]
The house in the background suddenly explodes deafeningly into a brilliant white fireball!

Joe: [as pieces of house debris fall around them] Now I'm having fun playing with people I actually like.

GM: Demeanor warm! Befriend list! Join group! Think Greetings, town! Smooch mutt! SLAUGHTER ILLOKE.

Joe: GS really restored my faith in serious roleplaying.

GM: And not the naughty kind. [suddenly, into reverb microphone] THE PINK THRAK TABLE IS NOT YOUR PERSONAL BOUDOIR, YOU LITTLE...MINX! I ATE A SANDWICH THERE LAST WEEK! GROSS! [presses a button and a muffled crack of thunder is heard in the distance]

Simutronics. Real players. Pretend characters.

Sweet we can have .57 magnums in game!


-player of hakwea, going to get his wand altered

"Man is his own star. His acts are his angels, good or ill, While his fatal shadows walk silently beside him" ~Rhyme of the Primeval Paradine AFC 54
The demonologists Handbook: http://www.geocities.com/gsdemonologist/

"He then draws a .57 Magnum and plugs the perpetrator in the most astonished part of his brain." -- Strathspey

I have got to go give Modus a try; usually I've only seen magnums go up to about .45 or so, and this is way better!

---

Player: "Hey I know Krakii's last name now!"
Wife: "-Pedia?"

That was great! When's the next Simucommercial?

Haha. I'm not funny. =(

~Hadlir

That was seriously awesome Strath. Very nice.

>I've only seen magnums go up to about .45 or so, and this is way better! -Robert

I fired one of those at the range last weekend for the first time and I had people cracking up.

My reaction to firing the first shot was, "@#$& YEEEAAHH!" Then I went through the rest of the box.

>Strathspey, I'm sorry about the table. Really I am. I had no idea you were watching! -Andraste

...

The sad part is... nevermind.

~Brian, Sepher's player.

"Come on... We could be partners. Split everything down the middle 60-40."